I’m thinking about adopting a child

What is adoption?

Adoption gives children who cannot safely live with their birth family the chance to have a loving, safe and secure family life. Finding a new family for children who need it gives them the opportunity to reach their full potential, despite their difficult early experiences.

Adoption is a legal process whereby adoptive parents become the child’s legal parents with the same rights and responsibilities as a biological parent. Adopted children no longer have any legal ties with their birth parents and become full members of their new family, although it is likely they will have some contact with their birth relatives either through letters or in-person.

Children from a range of backgrounds, ages and experiences are in need of adoption. Around 3,000  children are adopted in the UK each year, but there are still thousands of children who cannot return to their birth families and are in need of a secure and loving adoptive home. Among the children awaiting adoption relatively few are babies. Many are of school age, are groups of brothers and sisters who need to stay together or come from minoritised communities. The vast majority of these children will have experienced some form of early trauma or neglect, they all will have gone through the loss of their birth families. As a result, they will need a nurturing family environment where they can experience unconditional love, support and security.

The adoption process

The adoption process has several stages and is slightly different in each country of the UK. Each stage gives you and the agency supporting you time to consider if adoption is the right route for you and helps you prepare with confidence for your adopted child(ren) to become part of your family. The process is designed to be as inclusive as possible, and adopters come from a wide range of backgrounds.

It should take up to 6 months from registering your interest with an agency to being approved, unless you choose to take a break between Stages 1 and 2. Typically, the whole process – from enquiring with your chosen agency to being matched with a child – takes between 9 and 12 months. However, this can vary considerably: every child and adopter will have their own needs, and it is important to proceed at a pace that works for everyone.

Enquire about Adoption

The first step is to find out as much as possible about adoption. All adoption agencies will be happy to answer your questions and talk you through the process.

Thinking about Intercountry Adoption? Find more information here.

There are currently three kinds of adoption agency:

• Regional adoption agencies (RAAs), which oversee adoption across a number of local authorities;
• Local authorities, where they have not yet joined a regional adoption agency; and
• Voluntary adoption agencies (VAAs), which are charitable or not-for-profit organisations.

All CVAA members are VAAs and provide excellent support to prospective adopters.

It’s important to find an agency that you feel comfortable with, so you may need to speak to a few to find one that feels right. You will be invited to attend an information session or you may decide that you would like to move straight to a home visit, where you can discuss the process in more detail. Once you and your chosen agency are satisfied that you would like to proceed, you will be provided with a registration of interest form which you can return when you feel you are ready to enter Stage 1. Returning your Registration of Interest, or ROI, is the first official step in the adoption process.

Stage 1: Initial visits and checks

Once you have chosen an agency to work with, they will officially register your interest in adopting and begin Stage 1 of the process. References will be sought, criminal background checks undertaken, and a GP medical report requested. You will also be invited to attend preparation groups with other prospective adopters where you can learn parenting skills, ask questions and hear from experienced adopters. Stage 1 should take no more than 2 months, although the time taken for prospective adopters to receive their medical reports may vary.

At the end of Stage 1, you and your agency will decide whether you should continue to Stage 2. If you go ahead, there is the option of taking a break for up to 6 months before proceeding. Some adopters take this break to, for example, prepare their home or make changes in their career. When you are ready to move into Stage 2, an assessing social worker will be appointed to take you through this part of your journey.

Stage 2: Training and assessment

During Stage 2 you will work with your social worker to prepare an assessment plan and complete a Prospective Adopter’s Report (PAR). Your agency will provide training to enable you to understand and support the child or children you may adopt. Home visits will help your social worker learn about your lifestyle, family and friends network, and all the qualities and experiences that you will bring to parenting. This will all contribute to your PAR.

Approval

At the end of Stage 2, your social worker will present your PAR to a panel of adoption professionals, independent members, and adopters. You will be invited to attend the panel meeting, too. The panel will discuss with you your reasons for wanting to adopt and ask you other questions before deciding whether to recommend that you are suitable to adopt. The agency will consider the panel’s recommendation, and the Agency’s Decision Maker (ADM) will make the final decision. From entering Stage 2 to the agency making a decision about approval should take around 4 months, although again this may vary.

Matching

Once you are approved, your social worker will begin to search for children for whom you would be a suitable match. It is important to understand that the decisions on matching prioritise the needs of the child above everything else. At this point, you may want to take part in further training to help you better prepare to parent children waiting for adoption. VAAs specialise in preparing and supporting adopters to care for children with particular needs.

Once a match has been found, your social worker and the child’s social worker will write a report for presentation to a matching panel. This second panel will decide if this match meets the needs of the child, and make a recommendation to the agency decision maker. As with approval, the Agency Decision Maker (ADM) is responsible for the final decision about your match.

Becoming a family

Once the ADM approves your match, your social worker will continue to support you through introductions, getting to know your child(ren), and the process of moving the child(ren) in with you which will culminate in placement day.

After 10 weeks of placement, you will be able to apply to the courts for an Adoption Order. The adoption order will give you full parental rights and responsibilities for your child(ren).

It is important to note that you do not have to apply for the Adoption Order at this point and some families wait until their child(ren) are more settled or more support has been put in place to do this.

Adopting in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland

The adoption process differs slightly in all the countries of the UK. In Scotland and Northern Ireland there are no stages 1 and 2, so the processes run concurrently with checks normally taking place after the preparation and application process. Wales introduced the two-stage process in autumn 2019.

Adoption support

It is normal for adoptive families to need help and support. VAAs deliver a range of specialist adoption support services to ensure your family is supported throughout your lifelong adoption journey. All kinds of support are available, including therapeutic, financial and educational. VAAs support all parties affected by adoption, including birth families and also run a number of peer groups.

As part of this, VAAs may support their families to access support via the Adoption and Special Guardianship Support Fund which provides each child up to £5000 of support each year. More information about the fund can be found here.

CVAA also has close links with CASA, the Consortium of Adoption Support Agencies. CASA provides information on adoption support agencies (ASAs), including a directory of all its members. ASAs offer a range of support to those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care, e.g. special guardianship and kinship care. Find out more about CASA and its members here.

Adoption myth busting

There is a lot to get your head round when you’re thinking about adopting, and you may have come across confusing, misleading, or incorrect information. Here we want to clarify some of the most common myths that surround adoption.

At the heart of the adoption system are people who are committed to ensuring that what is best for the child is at the centre of any decisions made about their life, and that adopters are supported to be the best parents they can be.

There are no wrong questions. You should discuss any concerns you have, no matter how small or silly they may seem to you, with your adoption agency – they want you be well-informed, and many adopters before you will probably have asked the same questions.

You have to wait longer to adopt a child through a VAA as they don’t have the children awaiting adoption.

Not true! Local authorities (LAs) are responsible for looking after children awaiting adoption, but both local authorities and VAAs, as well as regional adoption agencies (RAAs), look for the right adoptive parents and work together to find the best potential adopters to meet the needs of the children waiting.

Once you are approved, your social worker will communicate with LA children’s social workers throughout the country to find children for whom you would be a good fit.

Once you are approved, you will also be able to access LinkMaker, a website which has the details of many of the children waiting for a home. Scotland and Wales also have Adoption Registers which list children and adopters waiting.

Adopters who have very narrow criteria for the children they wish to adopt tend to wait the longest before finding the right match. Many of the children waiting for adoption have special placement needs (e.g. a disability or a need to be placed with their siblings), so if you are open to more children then you have a good chance of being matched more quickly.

Once I’ve adopted, I’ll be on my own.

You won’t be on your own. Voluntary adoption agencies offer ongoing support to their adoptive families. The services that are available do vary between agencies, however, so before registering with an agency we recommend doing your research and identifying what is important to you. You can look at different agency’s websites and online discussion forums (e.g. on Facebook and Mumsnet), as well as asking the agency themselves what is on offer and how they will be able to support your family.

The Government has also set up an Adoption and Special Guardianship Support Fund (ASGSF) in England to pay for essential therapeutic support. Your local authority can apply to the fund on your behalf, and if you adopted through a VAA then they can support you to put in an application through your local authority. In addition, most agencies have adopter peer support groups where you can talk about common concerns as well as celebrate and have fun, and many VAAs host annual events such as discos, picnics, and Christmas parties.

If we’re approved to adopt, we won’t have any say in the child(ren) we are matched with

This isn’t true! It essential that you and your child(ren) are the ‘right fit’ for one another. Once you are approved, your agency will work with you to identify children who may be a good fit. Your assessing social worker will send your profile to local authorities and regional adoption agencies; likewise, other agencies will start sending children’s profiles to your social worker. You will probably look at a lot of children’s profiles and it may feel a bit overwhelming as there are lots of children waiting for an adoptive family, and you do not need to say ‘yes’ to the first child(ren) you see. Your agency will support you throughout the linking and matching process to ensure that you and your child(ren) are right for one another, and you will always have the final say.

I would have to be well-off and/or have no debt to adopt.

Adoption is about providing a loving and therapeutic home and protecting children from ongoing serious harm. It is not a question of class or income. Adoptive parents come from a range of backgrounds, as do the children waiting for a home.

Being on a low income or benefits, renting your home or having debts should not stand in the way of adopting a child. Suitability for being an adopter is based on a number of factors, the most important of which is that you have the commitment, warmth, energy and flexibility to meet a child’s emotional, physical  and identity needs as they grow up.

Adopters may have debts, but so long as these are understood and you can manage repayments alongside living expenses then this shouldn’t be a problem.

You need to be able to give your adopted child plenty of time and attention, too, which may mean work has to change. This could have financial implications. Your adoption agency will provide advice on this, but having a low income is in no way a barrier to being an adoptive parent. If you are in receipt of benefits, you might need to provide evidence of a stable lifestyle and the ability to manage on the income you receive.

Openness and honesty about financial pressures is encouraged right from the outset of your application.

Adoption agencies don’t charge to assess or approve adopters. But there may be some additional costs such as GP charges for a medical certificate.  This depends on the individual GP practice and you may be able to get costs covered by the local authority in some circumstances.

We don’t have any experience of looking after children, so we can’t adopt.

It is certainly helpful for prospective adopters to have some experience with children, particularly if you are going to adopt older children or siblings. However, a lack of experience won’t prevent you from beginning the adopter approval process. Some adoption agencies might suggest you do some voluntary work with a school or club to gain childcare experience and become more comfortable spending time with children you don’t know well, however this can often be completed alongside the assessment process.

I’m too old to adopt.

There is no upper age limit to adoption as long as you have the physical and mental energy to care for children. However, you do have to be at least 21 years of age in order to adopt.

I’m disabled/ have a long-term illness so I won’t be allowed to adopt.

Having a disability or a long-term illness (e.g. HIV or diabetes) is not a barrier to adoption, provided you are able care for a child. In fact, many people who adopt have a disability or medical condition.

Medical advice will be sought in relation to all medical conditions and the focus of discussion will relate to how well you are able to care for a child throughout childhood, the sort of support you have from a partner or other close family members or friends if you are unwell and consideration about the long term prognosis of your condition. The focus will be on considering how you can safely and consistently meet the needs of a child throughout their childhood. In some cases, people with disabilities or long-term health conditions have been provided with additional support to enable an adoption to go ahead.

I can’t adopt because I’m single/a single man.

You can absolutely adopt if you are single! Many single people, whatever their gender or sexual orientation, have successfully adopted children. It will be important for you to have a strong and supportive community of family and/or friends, which you will explore with your agency as part of the assessment process.

We can’t adopt because we’re not married.

You can adopt a child regardless of your marital status – whether you’re single, unmarried, in a civil partnership or married. If you are in a relationship, your agency will expect you to have lived together for at least one year at point of application and for there to be evidence that your relationship is stable and enduring.

Adopted children have often experienced considerable disruption in their lives, so ensuring that your situation is stable is an important part of the assessment. A child moving in with their family can challenge any relationship, so there would need to be evidence that you have managed a variety of situations together.

I can’t adopt because I’m gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/queer.

 All adopters are welcome regardless of their sexuality or gender.

If you have a partner, the same criteria would apply as to heterosexual couples: we would expect partners who live together to have done so for at least one year at point of application and for there to be evidence that your relationship is stable and enduring.

If you have transitioned, it would be important for you to be established in your gender identity prior to application.

New Family Social is the leading organisation for LGBT+ adopters and foster carers, and their website has extensive information to support your adoption journey.

I already have children or am considering having birth children, so I won’t be allowed to adopt.

Having children already will not exclude you from adopting. Your adoption agency will take the age and needs of your children into consideration as part of the adoption assessment to ensure your adopted child(ren) can settle in well as part of your family.  Your agency will usually want your adopted child(ren) to be the youngest in the family by at least two years; however, we would encourage you to discuss your individual situation with your agency.

If you want to adopt before having birth children, then it would be important for the adopted child to be settled before considering having birth children.

I’ll be expected to adopt a child with the same ethnic/cultural background as me.

Not true. You can adopt a child from a different ethnic background as long as you can meet the child’s needs. Adoptive families can get support to help their adopted children understand their cultural, religious and ethnic backgrounds. You will also need to consider the impact on your adopted child of being different from other family members.

Your adoption agency can help you think about how you will support your child to incorporate both their birth and adoptive heritages into their identity.

I can’t adopt as I have a criminal record.

If you have a criminal record, your adoption agency will look into the specific circumstances very carefully. If you have a criminal caution or conviction for offences against children or sexual offences against adults, you will be ruled out. Other offences may not necessarily rule someone out, and your agency will consider your situation on an individual basis. It is important to be honest with your agency from day one so that they can appropriately advise and support you.

I can’t adopt a child because I smoke.

Smoking will not necessarily rule you out. However, you do need to be fit and well in order to see your child(ren) through to adulthood, and your adoption agency will consider all health and lifestyle-related issues as part of your assessment. They need to be sure that there are not no specific health risks to you or to the children who may be placed in your care. Different agencies will have different policies on smoking, but it is unlikely that children under five and those with some medical conditions would be placed in smoking households.

I don’t own my own home, so I won’t be able to adopt.

You don’t have to own your own home to adopt a child. As long as you have the space (i.e. one spare room per child) and are not at risk of eviction, then renting will not preclude you from adopting.

As part of the assessment process your agency will most likely ask for references from your landlord to ensure that you are able to provide a secure and stable home, along with evidence that there is a reasonable tenancy on the property that you live in and that you have the means to access another property should the tenancy end.

My faith or religion will be a barrier to adopting.

Adopters can be of all faiths and none. Children who need to be placed for adoption come from many different cultures, backgrounds, and religions, and it can be helpful for their long-term identity development and self-esteem if the family they are placed with reflects that. That means that agencies will welcome adopters who have a faith or no faith, and those who are from a variety of cultural and/or religious backgrounds.

Children needing families from certain cultural backgrounds wait longer than others for adoptive families, and all agencies would encourage adopters to consider adopting a child from an ethnicity, culture or religion other than their own.

Finally, research has shown that faith – with its inherent altruism and care for the vulnerable – is a great motivator for people to adopt.

I can look into adoption while continuing with fertility treatment.

Most agencies will not permit you to start the adoption process whilst undergoing fertility treatment. Adopting a child needs to be your priority, and that will require you to have accepted that having a birth child is no longer an option.

It is therefore important that you complete any fertility treatments before starting your adoption journey.

Once treatment has ended, we recommend that you take some time to come to terms with the fact that it has not resulted in a birth child. Some people can be ready to adopt within a few months; for others, grieving this process and being ready to consider adoption will take longer. Many people who come to adoption due to infertility have accessed counselling following fertility treatments, which your agency would view positively.

We would encourage you to discuss this with your adoption agency, who will advise you on depending on your personal circumstances.

I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, or another mental health condition, so I won’t be able to adopt.

Many (probably most!) people have periods of stress, depression or anxiety in their lives. Whilst your agency would need to discuss with you how you have managed these experiences, they are unlikely to prevent you adopting a child.

Additionally, some people have longer-term mental health conditions which are well controlled with medication. There would need to be discussion about this, and your medical assessment would provide the agency with medical advice in relation to your ability to adopt and parent a child. The main considerations will relate to how often you might be unwell, how that manifests itself, and who is there to offer support at such times.

The focus for the adoption agency will always be to assess your ability to meet a child’s needs in a consistent way and to consider how the stress of adopting a child will affect your mental health.

There may be times when the agency feels that someone’s mental health is not stable enough to parent an adopted child. This would be considered early in the assessment process with the input of medical professionals and the people who know you well.

My weight will affect whether I can adopt.

People of all shapes and sizes successfully adopt children all the time. However, your agency will need to be sure that you are likely to remain healthy enough to parent a child into adulthood and that the child will have a healthy lifestyle, too. This can be a sensitive issue, but it is one that you agency will need to discuss with you. Your overall health will also be assessed as part of the medical that you will need to have.

In cases where you may experience higher than average risks to your long-term health (whether due to weight or other factors), your agency may discuss with you how you can build more health-seeking behaviours into your lifestyle. However, the focus of the discussion will be about your ability to remain physically well and active enough to successfully parent an adopted child into adulthood.

I or my partner will have to quit work in order to adopt.

Your agency will recommend that at least one parent takes time off work following a child moving in with their adoptive family – this is true of single adopters, too. If you work for a company (i.e. are not self-employed), you may be entitled to statutory adoption leave and pay, and if you have a partner they may be entitled to the equivalent of paternity leave.

A child will need time to build a relationship with their new family, and it will take time for them to feel safe and secure. It is difficult to say how long this will take, but at least 12 months is not unusual. If an older child is moving in with you and attends school, then after a period of settling in it may be possible to work and still be there for the child at either end of the school day.

On occasion, a child may need a parent to be off work longer than 12 months, in which case financial support may be available from your agency or the local authority where the child was in care. For people who are self-employed and not entitled to adoption leave allowances, your agency would need to discuss with you how you plan to balance the need for work and offering a child the stability and time that they need when they first move in with you.

Online learning about adoption

First4Adoption is an excellent and free resource for anyone wishing to find out more about adoption in England. On the First4Adoption website you will find:

• E-learning modules about the adopter experience
• Information about who can adopt
• General information about support for adopters

The Adopter Hub is an online resource developed and run by PACT, an Ofsted ‘Outstanding’ VAA.